Mira Grant: The List of Fear

In the interests of completeness, here is the full list of Mira Grant-related warnings. Now you literally can't say we didn't warn you. Read at your own risk...

An important note: this page consists of reader-submitted content. To submit your own Mira Grant warning, use the contact page. Feel the fear!

1. Mira Grant isn't afraid of zombies. Zombies are afraid of Mira Grant.
2. Mira Grant makes clowns cry.
3. Even if Mira Grant frightens you to death, she won't accept your death certificate as an excuse to skip out on a dinner date.
4. Intestinal viruses are afraid of Mira Grant. Rhinovirii are uncertain, also tending toward avoidance.
5. Black cats don't cross Mira Grant's path, for fear of bad luck.
6. Mira Grant doesn't need to kick ass and take names. If you know what's good for you, you take dictation and kick your own ass, after asking "how hard?"
7. Mira Grant cannot help us.
8. Mira Grant's hobbies include exploring forbidden tombs, making explosives, and making out in the cornfield to try to attract the attention of implacable serial killers.
9. Mira Grant goes bump in the night.
10. Mira Grant lurks in the deep.
11. Mira Grant knows what you did last Halloween.
12. Mira Grant made you breakfast in bed! Call poison control immediately.
13. The bogeyman scares his children with tales of Mira Grant.
14. Mira Grant doesn't need to kill humans for their vital brains. She has successfully bred the human race over millenia to voluntarily give their brains to her.
15. Mira Grant's going out tonight because there's a bad moon on the rise. Who do you think put it there?
16. Mira Grant knows it's not Johnny.
17. In space Mira Grant can hear you scream.
18. Mira Grant is incapable of dying and thus has never come back from the dead, but if she were to, she'd still be pretty.
19. Mira Grant blinks. All the time. Suck on it, Weeping Angels.
20. Mira Grant doesn't blink. The world just hides from her at regular intervals.
21. Mira Grant didn't give in to the Dark Side of the Force; it gave in to her.
22. Mira Grant is the reason the dinosaurs are extinct. She didn't kill them. She's a time traveler and brought them all to next week.
23. Mira Grant feeds cookies to the Dark Side.
24. Mira Grant caused the Tunguska Event.
25. Mira Grant doesn't need to kill zombies. They spontaneously decapitate themselves in her presence.
26. He thrusts his fists against the posts and still insists he sees Mira Grant.
27. Mira Grant gets mother's day cards from Norman Bates.
28. Mira Grant's breakfast died under mysterious circumstances.
29. Mira Grant uses misogynistic horror tropes to heat her house.
30. When there's no more room in Hell, the dead will crash on Mira Grant's couch for a couple weeks.
31. Mira Grant can only be stored under biosafety level 4 containment conditions.
32. Mira Grant can travel at 1.75c.
33. Mira Grant single-handedly put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
34. Mira Grant's social security number has two extra digits.
35. Mira Grant's cat has two extra digits.
36. Mira Grant holds citizenship in seventeen UN-recognized countries, four non-UN-recognized countries, three planets, and a comet.
37. Mira Grant speaks thirty-nine languages, including three fictional languages, five dead languages, and two undead languages.
38. Mira Grant and Superman have never been seen in the same room at the same time.
39. Mira Grant contains explicit lyrics.
40. When a mosquito bites Mira Grant, instead of sucking out blood, it gives its blood to her.
41. When thinking of Mira Grant and you have the choice of the lady or the tiger, choose the tiger—it's safer.
42. Mira Grant's blood neutralizes xenomorph blood.
43. Mira Grant once wrote a story where everyone lived, but everyone who has ever read it mysteriously died.
44. Mira Grant holds the world record for the longest recorded toss of a severed human head.
45. Mira Grant is fifth in line to succeed to the rulership of Latveria. (She was previously ninth, but four of the eight higher-ranked candidates have recently disappeared under mysterious circumstances.)
46. The Black Death was caused when Mira Grant sneezed.
47. The CDC has a little known threat level 7, codenamed "Mira Grant."
48. Mira Grant meets up with Persephone twice a year for pomegranate slaughtering contests.
49. When the thing under your bed goes home to sleep in the morning, it checks under the bed for Mira Grant before it turns out the lights.
50. The White House has assigned a special team to take charge of the laundering of Mira Grant's lab coats. It's made up of condemned terrorists. If they survive, they can go free.
51. Mira Grant moonlights as Pestilence in her copious free time.
52. Mira Grant spills creepy on your shoes.
53. Mira Grant was once bitten by a snake. After three agonizing days, the snake sadly died.
54. Mira Grant is a zombie apocalypse plan.
55. Mira Grant can have sex in the opening scene.
56. Mira Grant has no mouth and she can still scream.
57. Mira Grant does not slay vampires. They run into her stakes willingly.
58. Who ya gonna call? Mira Grant.
59. There's something about Mira. If we told you, we'd have to kill you.
60. No one can be told who Mira Grant is. You have to see her for yourself. Unfortunately, she's invisible.
61. Mira Grant does not have a reservoir condition. Kellis-Amberlee just feels safer inside her.
62. Mira Grant can watch Buffy accept the Class Protector Award without crying.
63. Mira Grant predicted the current Jane Austen craze in 1811, when she became Jane Austen.
64. Mira Grant doesn't need a zombie survival guide. Zombies need a Mira Grant survival guide.
65. Mira Grant holds a plutonium medal in Olympic figure skating.
66. Mira Grant got Stella's groove back after several hours of intense negotiation.
67. Mira Grant weighs the same as a duck. No one living knows which duck.
68. Mira Grant has a birthmark in the shape of a map of the London Underground. It is updated hourly with all regular timetables and unscheduled delays.
69. Mira Grant knows both the position and the momentum of a particle. Also its name, birth date, and social security number.
70. Mira Grant put the ram in the rama-lama-ding-dong.
71. It remains unproven, but Mira Grant is considered the most likely cause of the bomp in the bomp-sha-bomp-sha-bomp.
72. Mira Grant doesn't have to worry about whether she's let the right one in.
73. Mira Grant played dice with the Bogeyman and took him for all he had.
74. There is no evolution, just a list of species Mira Grant graciously allows to live.
75. Mira Grant could get your little brother to clean his room and get a job.
76. It's Mira Grant's world; we all just live in it. For now.
77. Mira Grant knows the call is coming from inside the house. She's already standing behind the caller with a hypodermic and a scalpel.
78. Mira Grant has no heart. Her blood runs through her veins in terror.
79. Mira Grant crosses the streams just for kicks.
80. Mira Grant doodles with the Color out of Space.
81. Mira Grant bought that cursed tape from The Ring on DVD.
82. Mira Grant can teach an old werewolf new tricks.
83. The Devil sold his soul to Mira Grant.
84. Mira Grant has an unlisted blood type.
85. Mira Grant may contain nuts, soya, the universe, time, space and riboflavin.
86. Do not ask for whom the bell tolls, Mira Grant stole it.
87. What evil lurks in the hearts of men? Mira Grant has a knife and isn't afraid to go looking!
88. Wise men say, only fools rush in...but Mira Grant walks in nonchalantly.
89. If you can keep your head while all around you are losing theirs, you haven't met Mira Grant.
90. The light at the end of the tunnel is the flamethrower of Mira Grant.
91. Mira Grant pulls hats out of rabbits.
92. There isn't a prison, bank vault or doughnut shop that Mira Grant can't break into.
93. Time slows down in a gravity well but it runs away when Mira Grant is around.
94. They measure "amazing" in femto-Miras.
95. When Mira Grant tells a knock-knock joke, no one has to ask "who's there?"
96. The Hubble Telescope had to be taken offline when it found a star cluster that spelled out "Mira Grant."
97. Mira Grant uses the Large Hadron Collider to stir her coffee.
98. Global Climate Change happened the first time Mira Grant went swimming in the ocean.
99. Why don't polar bears eat penguins? Mira told them not to.
100. There were forty-eight chromosomes until Mira Grant showed up.
101. Mira Grant can put i after e whenever she wants
102. Mira Grant has an all access pass to the restricted stacks in the Library of Alexandria (and not just the Falls Church branch).
103. Because she could not stop for Death, Mira Grant sent him an e-mail requesting he catch up with her down at the abandoned junkyard next to the cemetery.
104. Death can not come for Mira Grant, except to ask for her autograph. Nicely.
105. Mira Grant can dictate award-winning horror fiction while killing zombies with a spork.
106. Mira Grant once made the Bermuda Triangle disappear.
107. Mira Grant's books aren't novels, they're warnings.
108. Mira Grant does not contain nuts.
109. Mira Grant in your rear view mirror may appear closer than she is.
110. Ghosts aren't those who have "unfinished business." Mira Grant hasn't given them permission to cross over yet.
111. Mira Grant does not know how the world is going to end; she's still deciding.
112. Mira Grant is the girl your mother warned you about.
113. Mira Grant's ideas come from the same place lost socks go to.
114. Mira Grant was the other driver on Dead Man's Hill!
115. Mira Grant was on the grassy knoll.
116. Mira Grant never has to pay late fees.
117. The IRS pays Mira Grant's taxes and always gives her a generous refund.
118. Mira Grant knows where you live. She just doesn't care.
119. Mira Grant owns Greenland.
120. Mira Grant does not use spellcheck. Her typos fix themselves, apologize, and commit seppuku to expiate their shame.
121. Mira Grant leaves readers hanging from actual cliffs.
122. Mira Grant is the bad fairy you damn well better invite to the christening.
123. Mira Grant has visited all eight continents (including Atlantis), and has a collection of poisonous reptiles from each one living in her house.
124. Mira Grant owns one of the world's foremost spider ranches.
125. Mira Grant is gracious.
126. Mira Grant does not kill her clients, even if they ask nicely.
127. Mira Grant plays with the music of the spheres.
128. Mira Grant suggests if you're worth saving you'll save yourself.
129. Mira Grant invented the internet. (It's better not to ask why...)
130. Mira Grant does not sleep. She watches.
131. Mira Grant can make bacon a food group.
132. Mira Grant is illegal in five countries and a small town in Nebraska.
133. Mira Grant knows how to use a chainsaw. If you know what I mean.
134. Mira Grant tore down this wall.
135. Mira Grant tore down the fifth wall.
136. Mira Grant tore down the fifth wall and inserted the fourth column.
137. Mira Grant came from away.
138. Mira Grant has enough middle fingers to show you how she's feeling.
139. Mira Grant can track your phone without its battery.
140. Mira Grant is not edible.
141. Mira Grant probably has citizenship rights.
142. Mira Grant wears red. Don't ask why.
143. We don't have to worry about alien invasions. Mira Grant personally welcomed them before we were born.
144. Mira Grant is life on other planets.
145. Just because you cannot see Mira Grant does not mean she isn't there.
146. Co-eds listen to Mira Grant.
147. Mira Grant bought a remote Pacific island so her army of Megalodons could go unnoticed until it was too late.
148. Mira Grant concocted bubonic plague and released it in medieval Europe, for fun.
149. Mira Grant breathes fire.
150. Only cats are able to perceive people who disparaged Mira Grant.
151. Robot overlords serve Mira Grant.
152. Mira Grant is the evil twin.
153. Mira Grant thinks the recipes in the Anarchist's Cookbook could use some more pepper.
154. Mira Grant calls zombies up for her morning workouts.
155. Mira Grant holds us all within her mind.
156. Mira Grant uses weapons because she's trying to make zombie combat more challenging. If she simply uses the force of her personality, it's over too quickly and she gets bored.
157. Mira Grant can ski through a revolving door, dribble a football, and lick her elbows.
158. Mira Grant put the bop in the bop-she-bop-she-bop, the ram in the ramma-lamma-ding-dong, and the dip in the refrigerator. What, you think dip stays good forever?
159. Mira Grant makes you think that her tricking on Halloween is a treat.
160. Mira Grant does not need to give clues. Mira Grant is a clue, the only one you'll ever need.
161. Mira Grant was a little more than they expected.
162. The next element to be named will be Grantium.
163. Mira Grant can walk through walls, but never gets the chance. The walls move out of her way too quickly.
164. Mira Grant invented the crossroads, and thereby the blues.
165. Mira Grant once resurrected a man just to watch him live.
166. Mira Grant is Out There.
167. You do not read a Mira Grant novel. The Mira Grant novel reads you.
168. Yes, Mira Grant would like fries with that.
169. Mira Grant once challenged Death to a game for her soul. He cheated and lost anyway.
170. Mira Grant is behind you. Right now. Don't look.
171. Mira Grant led Orpheus out of Hades. She looked back the whole time.
172. Mira Grant is what happened to Roanoke.
173. Mira Grant invites the Jersey Devil and the Octopus that lives under the Tacoma Narrows Bridge and every other terrifying beast in the USA you have ever heard of over to her house every Tuesday. For poker.
174. Mira Grant cannot go to Vegas because her power over entropic forces would decimate the Vegas casino circuit. She doesn't care, because she likes Monte Carlo better.
175. Mira Grant is an intelligent, evolved virus in the shape of a girl.
176. Mira Grant is Typhoid Mary.
177. Mira Grant knows when you will rise. She's just not telling.
178. Mira Grant's favorite dates are prime numbers.
179. Mira Grant's favorite dinner dates are nicely muscled with some lovely marbled areas (for flavor).
180. Mira Grant quit her job at the DMV because they were "too nice to customers."
181. Mira Grant lives in an invisible sky castle. You know it's true because you haven't seen it.
182. There was Crystal. There was Ronette. There was Chiffon. Then came Mira Grant.
183. Mira Grant is not The Weakest Link.
184. Let's play a game. It's called "Mira Grant."
185. Mira Grant keeps our love alive by artificial means.
186. Mira Grant enjoys late night walks through the forest wearing a white nightgown.
187. The only small town in Maine that has not been destroyed by angry psychics/vampires/evil clowns/domes happens to be Mira Grant's birthplace.
188. Mira Grant is coming to get you, Barbara.
189. Mira Grant is the only person ever to come back from the Cornfield.
190. Mira Grant not only stared into the abyss, the abyss blinked first.
191. Mira Grant's milkshake brings all the zombies to the yard. (That's right, it's better than yours.)
192. Mira Grant Sunk R'lyeh and Atlantis to make room for her swimming pool.
193. Mira Grant sneezed once and that was the Big Bang.
194. Mira Grant is what makes up the strings in String Theory.
195. The universe is currently expanding in an attempt to get away from Mira Grant.
196. Mira Grant doesn't play dice with the universe, she throws darts.
197. Zombies are the natural response to the fact that no one will ever be as smart as Mira Grant.
198. There's a version of Rock, Paper, Scissors that goes Mira Grant, Black Hole, Nuclear Explosion. Black Hole always wins because everyone's too afraid to throw a Mira Grant.
199. Mira Grant once agreed to race Hermes. The official story is that he's still trying to reach the finish line.
200. Hades doesn't have any pomegranates left because Mira Grant ate them all. Then she ate Hades.
201. Mira Grant always gets a tiara for her birthday.
202. Mira Grant thinks MRSA is quaint.
203. Mira Grant keeps a Komodo Dragon in the back yard.
204. Mira Grant finishes land wars in Asia.
205. Mira Grant is the Evil Overlord.
206. Mira Grant doesn't need the Evil Overlord list.
207. Mira Grant is so fearsome that all humans within a six-foot radius disintegrate into zombies, deadly viruses, and Australian wildlife.
208. Every time antibiotics stop the bacterial infection, Mira Grant eats a puppy.
209. Mira Grant invented the Australian wildlife.
210. It's a monster! It's a zombie! It's...Mira Grant?
211. For her morning jog, Mira Grant does the entire Appalachian Trail. Twice. Before breakfast.
212. Mosquitoes don't bite Mira Grant. Mira Grant bites mosquitoes. (And snakes. And piranha. And a whole host of other things.)
213. Mira Grant has a chapter all to herself in the Necronomicon.
214. Mira Grant painted the Australian desert red. By herself.
215. Mira Grant believes at least a hundred impossible things before breakfast.
216. Mira Grant sleeps for one minute and has enough energy for 48 hours.
217. Mira Grant can wish you into the cornfield.
218. Mira Grant's prettiest whistles will wrestle the thistles undone.
219. The Hulk would not like Mira Grant when she's angry.
220. Mira Grant stops in bat country.
221. Mira Grant thinks you're gonna need a bigger night light.
222. Mira Grant once went down to the water's edge. She did something.
223. Some turtles wonder if it's Mira Grant all the way down.
224. Mira Grant is the voice of rage and ruin.
225. Mira Grant only deals in death, but she'll give you a great bargain.
226. The seven golden bowls in Revelation contain the wrath of Mira Grant.
227. Mira Grant knows what you did last summer, because she's the one who told you to do it.
228. Citizens, rejoice! Mira Grant stands on high, playing track three.
229. Mira Grant is responsible for most of the deaths in the world, but she's so modest she lets cardiovascular disease and cancer take the credit instead.
230. When she finally tires of death and destruction, Mira Grant will open one of her six mouths and sing the song that ends the world.
231. Mira Grant didn't beat the devil at fiddling, she beat the devil with her fiddle. (Don't worry, he broke before it did.)
232. It's never lupus, because it's always Mira Grant.
233. Mira Grant went to a misanthropes anonymous meeting and they loved her.
234. Mira Grant rocks your world. And when the bough breaks...
235. Mira Grant: Proud Sponsor of the 2010 "Zombies! Aaaah! Get away!" Games.
236. Look up Mira Grant in the dictionary, and it will say "Free Flowing Evil."
237. The only thing that matters to Mira Grant is gray matter.
238. If everyone else around you is losing their head, Mira Grant must not have noticed you yet.
239. And on the seventh day, Mira Grant brought forth zombies.
240. You know those little floating spots you sometimes see in your eyes? Those are Mira Grant, watching you.
241. Do not ask Mira Grant when she will rise, for she was the first to rise.
242. Caution: Mira Grant may settle in transit. Or anywhere else she likes. Are you going to stop her?
243. Mira Grant isn't a serial killer. Mira Grant is a serial author.
244. Mira Grant remembers the before time.
245. Mira Grant runs Bartertown.
246. Mira Grant has looked into the eyes of The Black Death, The Red Death, and The Death of a Salesman. All three suddenly remembered prior engagements and scuttled away. Quickly.
247. Do not walk through the Valley of the Shadow of Death. Mira Grant moved in last Thursday.
248. There are no Mira Grant jokes. Everything said about her is true.